You’re hopelessly addicted to cards. You eat cards. You dream of cards. You’d sell your soul (and probably already did) just to get one more shiny foil. But cards don’t grow on trees—so to feed your obsession, you’ll take on soul-crushing jobs, endure mind-numbing routines, and grind through life itself… all for that sweet, sweet cardboard.
Open Packs, Collect Cards
It all starts with a pack. You tear it open. Your pupils dilate. A duplicate? Doesn’t matter—every pack is pure dopamine straight to the soul. There are hundreds of cards to collect, and spoiler alert: luck won’t be enough. You’re going to work for these cards.
Work Hard (Even If You Hate It)
Want more packs? Time to get a job. Not a fun job. Not a glamorous job. We’re talking soul-crushing, brain-numbing, utterly joyless labor. Your dignity costs less than a five-card booster.
Complete Your Collections
Every card has its place. And you know it. What’s the point of living if not to fill every empty slot in your collection binder? Feel the sick satisfaction of a perfect page. Life is chaos, but your card binder doesn’t have to be.
Give Your Life Meaning
There’s no salvation in this world... But there are cards.
It might not fix your life, but for one glorious second... it kind of feels like it does.
